Germs
by thehunterandhisangel
Summary: Dean, fed up with Castiel's newfound germaphobia, decides to teach the fallen angel a lesson. Destiel, post season 8.


**A/N - It has occurred to me that Dean's surprise kiss may upset some readers, 'cause, uh, Cas isn't necessarily okay with it at first. So, if this would upset you, I guess I should slap a warning on here for non-consensual... kisses. Alrighty, now that we've established that, read on (or don't) and please review (or... don't).**

* * *

"You're not throwing that away, damn it," Dean shouted across the table in the bunker's dining room. "Eat your damn burger!" He had spent over two hours preparing and cooking this dinner, only to have Sam take Kevin to see his mom ten minutes before the food was on the table. It was just him and Cas, and he wasn't about to let his friend waste one of those precious, hand-crafted delicacies.

"Dean," Castiel countered, "it fell off the plate."

"Yeah, and onto the _table_! It's fine!" Dean picked up his burger, and, with emphasis, smeared it all over the wooden table. He glared at Cas as he brought the smashed burger to his lips and shoved it in his mouth.

Castiel narrowed his eyes and shook his head, looking back down at the half-eaten burger on his plate. "I'm not eating this, Dean. It's covered in germs-"

"AGAIN, WITH THE GERMS," Dean yelled through a mouthful of meat. "THEY'RE NOT GONNA KILL YOU!"

"They _can_,_ indeed_, kill me. Now that I'm human, I have become susceptible to sickness."

Dean rolled his eyes and reached across the table. "Fine, give it to me. I'll finish it, in my _weak_, _human_ state," he said dryly. "Pray I don't die."

Sighing, Castiel stood from his seat. "I doubt that will do much good." He headed down the hall to his room, decidedly skipping another "unclean" meal.

"Goddamnit," Dean mumbled. This was the third time Cas had refused to eat something due to germs. Dean had noticed the issue was worthy of being called a "phobia" about two weeks ago, when the fallen angel had taken two showers in a row after discovering that he'd accidentally used Dean's washcloth.

"There's _soap_ on it, Cas," the older Winchester had tried to explain. "It's not dirty. It gets cleaned every time you use it because it's COVERED IN SOAP!" Cas had merely shaken his head, eyes wide and worried, and returned to the bathroom for another 40 minute shower.

* * *

After cleaning up the kitchen, Dean stomped over to Castiel's room. _This 'germ' crap is gonna end right now_, he decided.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said upon entering his friend's room, "can I ask you something?"

Looking up from the desk he'd been cleaning with disinfectant wipes, Castiel nodded.

"How long do you plan on doing this whole 'germs are gonna kill me' thing? 'Cause, I gotta be honest with you, man, I don't know how much more I can take." The hunter crossed his arms, leaning against the door frame.

"Germs are always going to be threatening, Dean," Cas said, glaring. "So, until I die."

Biting his tongue, Dean imagined Cas growing old, living in a plastic bubble and spraying everything near him with Lysol. "Yeah, see, that's not gonna work."

"Really?" Cas said flatly, standing still as Dean approached him.

"Yeah, really. We're taking care of this, _right now_," Dean decided.

Squinting at the hunter, Cas tightened his jaw. "Why's that?"

Dean threw his hands in the air. "Because it's life-crippling, Cas!"

"I see it as life-_preserving_."

"Yeah, well, you're an idiot."

"Dean!"

"What, Cas?! What are you so afraid of anyway, huh?! You can take on countless monsters most people don't even dream of, but one mention of germs and you're shuddering like your life's in danger. What the hell, man?!"

"I can't heal myself anymore, Dean," Cas reminded the hunter, who took two steps closer. "If I were to-"

"If you were to be attacked by a ghost, distracted 'cause," Dean shrugged, "oh, I dunno, you had to _dig up a rotten corpse_, which, by the way, would be _covered_ in germs, you'd be _killed_! You 'can't heal yourself anymore', Cas, remember? So you tell me, which is more of a threat?"

Stubbornly crossing his arms, Castiel glared at the hunter. "Germs."

Dean let out a humorless chuckle as he took another step toward his friend, now merely three inches from his face. "Okay, Monk. Fine."

"Dean, you're... in my space." Cas scrunched up his nose.

"I know." Dean stepped closer, reaching out to pull Castiel's arms down by his sides.

"Dean," Cas warned.

"Y'know," Dean mumbled, "they say that the best way to overcome a fear is to face it head-on."

"W-who says that?"

Dean shrugged. "Doesn't matter," he sighed, biting his lip. _Are you really going to do this?,_ he asked himself. It was then that Castiel decided to bring his hand up to remove some ketchup from the hunter's mouth with a disinfectant wipe. _OK, that's it. This is just getting freakin' weird_. "Sorry, Cas, but this is for your own good," he said as he closed the space between them, wincing as he brought his mouth to his friend's and licked and nibbled and pushed until his squirming friend gasped, opening his mouth just enough to let him in.

"Dean!" Cas shouted into the hunter's mouth, doing all he could to push his friend away.

Dean pressed his tongue against the fallen angel's, purposely allowing as much saliva as he could into Cas's mouth. He kinda felt bad, and equally grossed out, because... well, he was making out with his best friend, and in the most sloppy, non-sexy way possible. But he figured it was for Castiel's own good. What better way to overcome a fear of germs than to survive your friend's saliva being pushed into your mouth?

"D-Dean," Cas whimpered, unclenching his fists when the hunter sucked the fallen angel's bottom lip in between his own, sending a tingling sensation throughout his body. _This is unsanitary, _he thought, panicked._ This isn't supposed to feel so... good_.

Chuckling against Cas's mouth, Dean licked his friend's lips before he pulled away. He eyed Castiel's reddened face, his lips swollen and spit-slick. "See?" he said, breathing heavily. "You'd be missing out on, uh, _making_ out, if you were afraid of germs." Tilting his head to the side for a moment, he recalled, "Well, most kisses aren't as, uh, gross as that was. But... you get my point. You've gotta, uh, lighten up and live a little."

Castiel nodded lightly, eyes dull, in a daze as he stared blankly past the hunter.

"I know that was a bit unpleasant," Dean said, "but, uh... you're welcome." His grin faded as he watched his friend's fist quickly approach his face.

Cas decked Dean in his left eye, sending the hunter stumbling backwards, before nodding. "Thank you, Dean," he said with a smirk. "I feel much better, now."

"Goddamnit, Cas," Dean shouted, grimacing as he covered his eye, "what was that for?!"

"What do you _think_ it was for, Dean?!"

"Hey, I was trying to help you, you-"

"By invading my mouth with your disgusting, wet...," Cas trailed off quietly, averting his gaze to the floor, "...warm... t-tongue..."

Dean blinked his good eye a few times. "Uh, yeah," he cleared his throat, "yeah, right."

Cas looked up at the hunter, his brows furrowing. "Why?"

Shifting where he stood, Dean gestured at his friend's swollen lips. "To show you that, sometimes, germs can be a good thing." Upon noticing Castiel licking his lips, staring at the hunter's mouth, Dean smirked and invaded Cas's space once more. "Uh, kisses are usually better than that," he mumbled. "I, uh, just wanted to make a point, with all that, uh...," he gulped, "saliva. Usually it's a lot... sexier." Dean chuckled as Cas nodded. He put his hands around the fallen angel's waist, squinting at him through one eye. "I don't want you to go around thinking I'm a bad kisser," he smirked. "You wanna... uh, you wanna try that again?"

Cas answered by pressing his lips to Dean's, licking at the hunter's bottom lip and biting gently. Dean moaned into his friend's mouth, his hands roaming over Castiel's body as he tried to push his tongue into the man's mouth. Cas shook his head, chuckling lightly. "My turn," he rasped, slipping his tongue into the hunter's mouth.

"God, Cas," Dean breathed, his eyes squeezed shut as he rubbed against the fallen angel with need.

"This is... pleasantly gross," Cas decided, gently sucking on the tip of his lover's tongue.

Dean groaned, stumbling forward and forcing his lover back toward his bed. "W-wanna... mmph, wanna... know what... else is pleasantly gross?"

A smile crept onto the fallen angel's face as Cas stepped back, turning them around until he could shove Dean onto the bed. "Show me, Dean."

* * *

When Dean woke up the next morning, Cas was no longer in bed with him. He sat up quickly, flashes of last night's events running through his mind. "Oh my God," he whispered. He got out of bed, taking the sheet with him when he realized he'd abandoned his clothes the night before. "Cas?" he whispered, glancing at the clock. It was 6:54. In the morning. "Who in the hell gets up this early on purp-"

"Hello, Dean."

The hunter turned around to find his friend-turned-lover in the doorway, clad in nothing more than white boxers and the t-shirt Dean had ditched last night. "Hey, uh... So..."

"You're wondering what will become of our relationship now that we've engaged in sexual activity."

Dean laughed, shaking his head as he stepped closer to Cas. "You just cut to the chase, don't you?"

Squinting a moment, Castiel nodded. "I guess so. Anyway, I'd like to, uh, thank you."

Dean lifted a brow, a small smirk creeping onto his face. "Oh?"

"Yes. I've been... overreacting to germs in recent times. You were right to help me with that." He reached out and lightly swatted the grin off his friend's face. "But I don't appreciate your tactics, Dean."

Gesturing to the discolored skin around his eye, Dean said, "Yeah, I think you got that one across, thanks."

Cas's lips curved into a barely noticeable smile. "Well, you deserved it."

"Debatable."

"Whatever, Dean," Cas sighed, stepping closer to the hunter. "I was making breakfast. I was going to bring it to you in bed, but..."

Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to Castiel's. He ran a hand up and down the man's arm before stepping back. "Thanks, Cas." He stared at the stupid smile on the former angel's face for a moment before breaking into a grin himself. "So, I guess this means our, uh, 'relationship', is, uh..."

"A _relationship_, Dean, yes. I believe so," Cas stated plainly, then grinned. "Are you happy? I'm happy."

With a light chuckle, Dean nodded, "Yeah, I'm very happy, Cas." He tugged on the man's sleeve, carefully holding on to the sheet that was draped around his own bare body. "This is my shirt."

"Yes, it is."

"So..." Dean nuzzled Castiel's neck, pulling him closer.

"So...?"

Dean's mouth worked its way from Castiel's neck to his lips. "So take it off."

Cas smiled against Dean's mouth, stepping back for only a moment to pull the shirt over his head. He tossed it at Dean, then grinned at the hunter. "That's my sheet."


End file.
